How you fighting depression, knowing life is a lessonLosing time to the stressing, the hours right with the secondsWalking past the blessings, to warp your mind with the questionsNeed a session with Christ to get you right with the essenceAlways second guessing, you wander with no directionGlancing in the mirror and withdrawing from your own reflectionKnowing you can’t secure, or get near to the goal, of perfectionNever let you settle, it’s with the devil you wrestlingGotta pass his guard and push hard to move to the next winThought you had him pinned, but you woke in a pool of sweat thenPanic when it sets in, it cuts you like a weaponThe knowledge that your best, ain’t good enough to keep a best friendCause everybody left and now it’s only you you’re left withAnd for you it’s no exit, so don’t even suggest itGotta push through the mess, and do your best ‘cause that’s expectedAnd leave a life behind…, at least your daughter respected
[Bridge — sampled. Credited below.]
This is the only outlet for doubts that ain’t come out yetSo now check, these insecturities a constant house guestCan’t image life not vexed, living without stressI keep my I’m not good enoughs, waiting right on my house stepsMy souls been shattered, buried pain in the atticThese people don’t have my back they just stab it, it’s automaticLet go of what I had like a package without the trackingKnow its never coming back and its tragic but that’s what happensWhen you let em get in too close, they play you sweet like sucroseall the sudden its new Foes, mixed with the friends that you choseWaiting to see you fold, adding weight to the huge loadIf you almost lift it, they like hold up, lets put two moreSo you throw that mask on, call it ego, say you too coldDo this all alone, keep it moving like a droneThese people come and go, it’s the same script in a new showYou pull that shifter back and hit drive, tired of neutral
[Bridge — sampled. Credited below.]
Doubts go to the back, when you have a passion for actionPeople are in your past, cause you had a lack of attractionLife is like a journey without a map or an atlasSome people play a part, just like an actor or actressWork can get you far, don’t chase perfection but practiceDouble up on that last bit, practice til you have itThat way they think its magic, when they see you make it happenAnd when you have a question never be afraid to ask itSuccess come from failing, never dwell and get past itForge your own path, and, always be adaptingSome people mad you win, don’t even give them a reactionGod has got your back, even if you down to your last friendBefore you move to act, think about it like your last, andAsk if, you’d want that as a caption on your casketAnd if the answers no, then slow your role and play it passiveIt’s massive, turning hitting goals into a habit
[Bridge — sampled. Credited below.]
Now the plan is in motion, as a man of devotionThey missed you with a close one, now you standing where most menhope some, day to get, ain’t change a bit, you wholesomeMaintaining your standards even if someone encroach themHow they act, is now reflected back, so you can ghost emWhile your honor will roast them, without you bragging or boastingTurns out, your faith and honor, made you wander, lonesomeSearching for a soul that’s similar and finding nooneUntil you find the one, keep blinders on, you don’t need no sunAnd go on, with integrity, you put the show onYou know wrong, from right, that’s a fight you bet your soul onYou roll on, the road of life you know that Christ patrol onIt’s so long, but hold on the motorbike you rode onWill get you to the finish, when you win it’s gon be yo songPlaying in the background, back em down with the flow strongNo need to quote it, you wrote it, so on and so on
[Bridge — sampled. Credited below.]
About this song
I wrote this one for myself. Verse three I wrote with you in mind — but the truth is the whole song is instructions. I just needed them first.
The first two verses are the negative. Struggling with depression. Second-guessing yourself. Not feeling good enough even when it looks from the outside like you’ve got everything going for you, which some days weighs on you more, not less. Those verses are about pushing through that and finding your release. Mine is music. This song is the release.
They’re also about learning to rely on yourself. I’m an introvert, and that cuts both ways. Once people have hurt you, you stop letting them in. You still care about them, you still want the best for everybody — you just put the walls up. By the end of the second verse I land where you have to land: it’s going to have to be you that gets you out.
Verse three is the instructions. For you, and for me, because I need reminding too. Take action, make progress toward what you want, and the progress itself pulls you up. The loop feeds itself. That’s the whole song, and it’s why it’s called what it’s called — the first half is the negative, the second half is positive.
Practice. Do what you love. Don’t be afraid to ask questions of people further along than you. Don’t be afraid to fail, and don’t be afraid of what people will think. Don’t worry about the ones hoping you fall. And don’t take an action you can’t undo while you’re in the middle of feeling something — I’ve been there, and I learned that one the hard way.
“It’s massive, turning hitting goals into a habit” is the turning point. Everything before that line is self-pity. Everything after it is taking control.
Verse four is me looking down the line at the end of it. All that struggle was because you wouldn’t settle. You held yourself to a standard, and you wouldn’t take the shortcut or cut somebody else down to lift yourself up. That’s what “your faith and honor, made you wander, lonesome” means — doing right is a lonely road sometimes.
Nobody’s perfect. We all make mistakes. But you keep trying to be the better person in every situation. Help people. Care about people. Be there for them, even when nobody sees you do it. That’s how you get your song played — and I’m not talking about down here. You may never get recognized on earth. God knows your heart. Always.